Ah Ha Moment

I had an "ah ha" moment this evening. Anyone who knows us very well knows that we've had a lot of ups and downs with our finances. Seems like there have been more downs then ups, but that's not the point of this blog.

I was talking to God this evening about why I worry so much about our bank account balance. God spoke to my heart that my fear isn't that God won't provide (I know He will provide because He has before) my fear is in myself. My fear is that I will make a mistake with what we have been given. A couple of years ago I made a STUPID purchase. I mean the largest (not including our vehicle), dumbest purchase I've ever made. I felt instantly guilty for making that purchase, and I don't know if I've really forgiven myself. I've just tried to forget about it and move on.

Lately I've been feeling panicky about buying groceries and things we actually need. I'm driving myself crazy every time I go to pay our bills. Trying to figure out what we can cut out or cut back on. We have two ministry oriented things that we support every month (not including tithe). Just yesterday the thought ran through my mind that I need to stop feeling guilty and just drop those things and free up about $50 a month to put toward paying down our debt. But God very obviously and very physically told me that that's not what we need to cut out. When I got home from work there were letters in the mail from both of the people we support. That can't be ironic that has to be God!

Please pray for me that I can get over this fear and that we will make better decisions with what God gives us. We have some big decisions coming up, and I think that we need to start making better decisions with what we have now so that we can make better decisions later.